So far behind

I am so far behind it is not even funny. Its been a horrible/crazy/unreal year. My life was turned on its backside and our family has been slowly recovering since. Some people have been incredibly supportive and wonderful while others have failed that test. Its been interesting to see who falls into what group in my life.  Relationships have grown closer with some, while others have seemed to falter. Its something I never would have wanted to ponder happening in my life, but these things happen for a reason, as I try to remember to tell myself.

I try to find the happy in things that my sister would have loved.  Sitting at a fishing pond (not the fishing part-she would have hated that!) and seeing dragonflies flying all around me.  My mom's cousin told us soon after her passing that every time we saw a butterfly or dragonfly it was Annette looking out for us. I felt surrounded by her the other day when the man and I went fishing.  It was a new spot, a little off the beaten path, and it was nature. It was calm. It was surrounded by these dragonflies that flew all around my head.  One settled upon my leg at one point and all I could do was smile. It was her. Saying, "Hi." (Or more likely, "Be nice to the fish!")

I have been trying to fill time with party planning or crafting or being busy in some way.  I planned a baby shower for another one of my sisters and a party in honor of Annette's birthday.  I didn't have a huge turn out for the birthday celebration, but those who came we were wonderful.  Many people had things happening that weekend, which was totally understandable.  And then, once again, there were people who I thought would be there to offer a little support for me or to honor my sister, but they were not. I know that Annette smiled down at the day and knew it was what it was meant to be.   Much of her husband's family came by that day and made stones and hung out with us for a good while. A few co-workers of mine came by as well.  The idea of the party was to make stepping stones to sell to benefit my sisters family (her husband and my two beautiful nieces).  Many water themed stones were made (which I thought was a wonderful way to honor her) and then also a butterfly and lizard. All things that were her. Still working out the pricing, but I'll figure that out eventually.

Also..  School.. its almost done for the year. It has been yet another trying year. Mentally, physically and well.. behaviorally? Hah. Something like that. The snuggles I get from the loving kids every day help me to feel that much better. Its tough. Its tiring. But the hugs and love from the kids make it worth it. (Most days!)

I'll try to keep up with this maybe a little better. Is there an app? Maybe that would help.

Later Gators.